“Clear on the facts, respectful to people”

One of the main reasons partners express for not giving feedback is that they worry that it will be badly received. This hesitation is natural. Most of us don’t want to be the “bad guy” - most of us don’t want to be seen as mean or harsh or unfair.  But if partners succumb to this hesitation, both the partner and the associate suffer. The associate doesn’t develop, the partner continues to have to manage around the issue (revise the work product, deal with late work, etc.). So, here’s what I tell partners:

A fact is not a judgment but how we express it and the conclusions we draw from it can be. The key to giving feedback is to stick to the facts, manage tone and resist drawing conclusions. In short, “Clear on the facts, respectful to people”. [If you have taken a negotiation training or class, this will sound familiar. This guidance is a riff on the “Hard on issues, soft on people” negotiation principle].

To do that best, I recommend the following “steps”:
-Assume positive intent (see my last post). This helps us manage our tone and keeps us from jumping to possibly inaccurate conclusions.
-Start with inquiry. Ask questions before diving into feedback so you understand associate’s thinking, approach and challenges up front. More on this in a future post.
-Describe issue(s) as specifically as possible. So, for example, not “This was poorly written” but something like “Your thesis is unclear, I am sure if you meant X or Y ” or “I struggle with some of your sentence construction, let’s look at one.”
-Share impact on you, client, others if it is important.
-Use future focused language where possible (see my earlier post). Less “You should have” and more “Next time, I would suggest you...”
-One or two things at a time. There may be a lot of feedback to give, but change/development happens incrementally.
-Follow up. Make sure when you give the next assignment, the feedback/teaching is reinforced. It’s not one and done.

Partners have expressed three separate benefits to me when they try this approach.
-The shift of perspective (separating facts and judgment) makes them more willing to give feedback.  They get past the fear of being the “baddie.”
-The roadmap makes it easier to deliver feedback. Who doesn’t like a good recipe? In particular, partners find starting with inquiry and future focused language helpful, both for them and for the associate.
-Perhaps most importantly, the “Clear/Respectful” approach and the roadmap give them a means to reflect on their own performance. No matter how skilled we are at giving feedback, sometimes it will not be well received. This approach and roadmap give partners a benchmark against which to assess their delivery of feedback and see how they might have done so differently. (Note: We can’t control how others react. Even feedback done well may land badly.)